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Have you ever apologised when a waiter has bought you food you didn't request? How about when the weather was rubbish at an event you were hosting - like you could control the weather.
So many of us apologise far too often. We should all have good manners and apologise at the right times but many of us apologise when we have done nothing wrong. We even apologise for life choices that are ours to make.
We all want a sense of belonging and can even fear being ostracised by others. This can lead so many of us to apologise excessively in order to remain in people’s good grace.
So why do we do it?
Apologizing is a very complicated part of language and we do it for so many different reasons.
It just comes naturally to some of us and even unintentionally and this may be because you are highly sensitive to other peoples feelings and just want to make sure you haven't caused any unintentional upset.
Sometimes we think about how we would feel in that situation and if it is bad we might apologise to try and take some of the blame and pain away, when in fact there was no need for us to apologise.
Have a think about things you may have apologised for when you didn't need to. This doesn't mean you do not have to, if you want to say sorry then carry on, but there may be times when you could think about making conversation, saying something else, laughing with someone about the rain rather than apologising for it. I have put together my top 10 things that you should never need to apologise for.
10 Things You Shouldn't Be Apologising For!
1. Cutting Toxic Relationships Out Of Your Life
This one can be difficult because ultimately if you are cutting out toxic relationships then yes you are the one completing the action. However, you must remember why. Other people being toxic is not your fault and if you decide to cut a toxic relationship from your life then you should not feel sorry. You did not ask them to treat you badly, you didn't make their mistakes and if it's a toxic relationship then there may have been many times that they left you feeling low and sad without ever being sorry. So cutting toxic relationships from your life is never something you should apologise for.
2. Your Feelings
We all feel things and depending on the situation we often experience different feelings from one another. Feelings are complicated and can be affected by so many other things such as our past experiences and childhood. It is important to remember that everyone has different feelings and although we can control how we react we cannot control how we feel. Therefor we should not be sorry for how we feel and we should not expect others to be sorry for how they feel. You might be sorry if your feelings have upset someone else, but you should never refuse, ignore or push away your feelings. You are allowed to feel, acknowledge and work through your feelings.
3. Following Your Gut Instinct
Have you ever had a gut feeling? it's a strong one and it's a hard thing to ignore. Often if we have a gut feeling about something and do not follow through with it we can be left with regret. If you have a gut feeling about something then go with it and don't look back. Obviously you should not do anything that would hurt anyone else but it is fine to disagree with people and follow your own way.
4. Taking Me Time
Self care and me time is so so important. We all enjoy different things, we all find different activities refreshing and we are all allowed this time out and away from others. It is important to refresh your energies and allow yourself the time you need to replenish and others should never deny you this. When you take this time out you should not feel sorry and you should not apologise. Have you ever had a long busy week and just wanted to sit at home and relax over the weekend, just to be asked out by your friends, so reluctantly you say yes and you still spend that time needing to relax. Well once in a while it is fine to say no, not no because you have other plans but simply no because you want some "me" time. So, next time you need some me time take it and don't feel bad about it.
5. Your Opinion
We all have opinion and we will not always agree with one another, and that's life. We are all at different moments within our lives and we are all walking separate paths, the sooner we realise that the easier it will be to get along. We do not have to have the same opinion and your opinion is allowed to change. We often base our opinions on our knowledge of a situation or topic, what other people say and their opinions. Don't be sorry for standing by your opinion and don't be sorry for ever changing your opinion, if anything it is good to gather more information and make a new more informed opinion, and if that means changing it then that means changing it. As long as you are open and honest with others and take the time to listen to and respect their opinions you have no need to be sorry.
6. Making Decisions About Your Future
You are the one living your life and this means you can be selfish when making major life decisions. You can't please everyone and when it comes to your life decisions you should focus on what it is you want and need. So if there is ever a life changing decision that needs to be made always listen to others, but then take some time alone to think about what you want for your future. Once you have made decisions about your future there is no need to apologise.
7. Speaking The Truth
Whether this is your own truth or someone else's. We can often be put in difficult situations and sometimes even know things that we didn't want to know. Never apologise for speaking the truth, especially if it is someone else's lie. It can leave people feeling hurt but the truth is the truth and will often come out. some way or another. There is no blame or fault in speaking the truth and you should never apologies for it.
8. Questioning Things
As children we ask questions, we explore and are inquisitive. So often in adulthood we wish we had asked something or we feel as though we should not have. Through asking questions we can learn and grow.
Never apologise for asking questions. Have you ever not understood something and needed to ask questions over and over? This can often feel like something you should apologise for but why? You do not need to apologise, fine you might not have got it first time - but maybe they didn't explain themselves very well. I know I have done this, I have been in a meeting and not understood something, asked again but then said I do understand when in fact I still had a bunch of questions left. If we allow ourselves and others to ask questions then we can all learn and grow. Never apologise for asking questions and always respond and be open to others questions.
9. Taking A Break
We all need a break sometimes. Yes this is a little like taking me time but me time involves doing something that you enjoy this is a break - a proper break. We live in a world that involves huge lists of things to do and multitasking all day long. So take a break, stop everything you are doing, get comfy and just sit. Sit and just don't think about anything for 10 minutes. Take these ten minutes and don't feel sorry for it.
10. Speaking Up When Someone Has Hurt You
We cannot control others and therefore by letting someone into our life we cannot control the things that they do, which may later on affect our lives and how we feel. We can control how we react but not how we feel. If someone has hurt you it can be beneficial to work through this and if you want to, tell them. By telling them that they have hurt you you are giving them control over the situation and their actions. Always speak up and tell someone if they have hurt you without apologising. By apologising you are taking some of the responsibility for getting hurt and you do not need to do that. Just as you should say when you have been hurt you should also listen to others if you have hurt them and not expect them to apologise for this.
It may seem selfish but we cannot take responsibility for things that are out of our control. It is important to realise that we do not need to apologise for everything and that is fine. In fact by learning to apologise less it can actually build confidence in ourselves and our choices. It can be difficult to just remember unless you are hurting other people there is no need to apologise. So, it is important to not say sorry but it just as important to not expect others to be sorry for these things either.
Have a think. Is there anything on that list that you apologised for and didn’t need to? Is there anything not on the list?
Let us know what you think in the comments below
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